BRAIN TEASER: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BANNER?

VERY FUNNY VIDEO: Lolita Gets a Lift – Naija Runs Girl

PHOTO of the DAY: You Know What Time It Is

Photo of the Day: Is This Her Back or Front?

Lol!!!

PHOTO: Wedding Cake of the year

Filo: If you can’t afford a gorgeous cake for your wedding; placing 25 pieces of ₦50 muffin on a wooden stand is not a bad idea.

Lol!!!

JOKES: TODAY'S KAFOJ

THE LORD’S ARMY

Pastor: Brother Onos, I want you to be more serious this year; please join the Army of the Lord.

Onos: I'm already in the Army of the Lord

Pastor: How come you don’t attend weekly services and house fellowship

Onos: Pastor, na secret service I dey.

WARRI BIKE MAN

A Warri guy walks in to a bar and says, “Madam, give me one big stout.” After he drank his beer and was about to leave, he noticed his bike was gone. He shouted, “If I don't get my bike in the next five minutes, I will do exactly what I did in Benin.”

Before five minutes someone brought his bike back; as he was going for his bike, the bartender asked him “Oga, what did you do in Benin? “I had to walk home."

THE ‘DIAMOND RING’

Onos bought his wife a ‘diamond ring’ for valentine. A friend of his saw it and said “Na wa o, Onos you try o, I thought she only requested for a simple BB Curve.” ‘She did’, Onos replied. “But my money no reach buy Chinese BB”

SIMPLE LESSON FOR AMEBOs

Filo: Is a pity Bingo had to learn the hard way!

BOVI HIT ON KIM KARDASHIAN

Filo: Watch Bovi do his thing.

TODAY'S KAFOJ

THE PROVERBS

Aunty Bina: If you complete five of these proverbs correctly, I will buy you a phone.

1.The evil that men do….

2. If wishes were horses…

3. Silence is the best …

4. He that is down…

5. A bird in hand…

6. Make haste…

Onos: Aunty na small thing, I go finish all

1. The evil that men do no plenty reach the ones women do.

2.  If witches were horses we don get flying horses be that.

3.  Silence is the best answer if you never eat for three days.

4.  He that is down must be shorter than Aki and Pawpaw.

5.  A bird in hand no fit fly unless you release am.

6.  Make haste but no forget protection.

MY BALANCE

A rehabilitated prostitute was employed in a bank, then a customer of the bank went to her and said ‘madam how much is my balance?’ She replied “but I never sleep with you before”

ASHES

Onos visited Jide in the hospital

Jide: Onos, na God go punish that woman. This hypertension will kill me and if I die, make sure am cremated.

Onos: Why you dey talk like that, so what would happen to your ashes?

Jide: Put it in an envelope and send it to my wife with this note ‘this is everything’

TODAY'S KAFOJ

THE PROPHECY

The date was 11^th of March 2012.

A man by the name Shem walked into a pastors’ office

Pastor: (Speaking to Shem)

My Son, a time is coming when the whole world would hear of you; your story would change lives, it would transform destinies and you would be the talk of the town.

Shem: Amen, thank you pastor.

51 weeks later Shem returned to the Pastor

Shem: Pastor the prophecy has not come to pass, what is happening?

Pastor: My Son, you need patience, your miracle is on the way.

On the 12^th of March, 2013, somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria, the prophecy came to pass.

Two days after, Shem ran to the man of God.

Shem: Pastor you never told me it would be like this; when I walk on the street, even new born babies see me and start shouting ‘that’s my oga at the top’

YEYE CATERER

Ebi: Na today be your birthday?

Onos: No bros, it’s in 3 weeks’ time.

Ebi: Why you carry birthday cake?

Onos: No mind that yeye caterer, she say na today her promo dey end

TODAY'S KAFOJ

LUNCH MONEY

Mama Nkechi was flogging her son, and then a neighbour came to the boys’ rescue.

See their conversation below.

Neighbour: Why are you flogging the poor boy mercilessly?

Mama Nkechi: Don’t mind him, if I have my way he won’t eat anything in this house again.

Neighbour: What did he do?

Mama Nkechi: Can you imagine, Junior just swallowed the money I gave him.

Neighbour: Why would he do a thing like that?

Mama Nkechi: He said it was because ‘I said the money was his lunch money’

HOW DO YOU DOUBLE YOUR MONEY

In an investment training session, Onos was asked “what is the quickest way to double your money?

He answered “It depends on you but for me, I will just fold it into half”

TODAY'S KAFOJ

FACEBOOK FRIENDS

Husband: How many friends do you have on facebook?

Wife: 500

Husband: How many of them are men?

Wife: 170

Husband: How many of the men are single?

Wife: 40

Husband: How many of those single men are feminine in nature?

Wife: None

Husband: Too bad for me

Wife: Why, why the questions?

Husband: Well, i just discovered am a gay

Wife fainted.

TODAY'S KAFOJ

PREGNANT MUM

Junior: Anytime my mum is pregnant, she will be spitting everywhere, I don’t like it at all.

Koko: See you better thank God for your portion, mine is worse. When my mum is pregnant, she would be eating as if there is no tomorrow; even the half gala I brought from school yesterday is still missing. Whenever you ask her, she would say “is not her but the baby in her womb”