We had a separation for seven months — Victory Emuejekaro

Victory Emuejekaro is an actor.  Also a model and the manager of African Movie Academy Awards, he is married to Chika. They talk about their six-year-old union

How did you meet?

Victory: I met her through one of my friends who stayed in my village with her parents.  I went to visit her in Lagos when the family relocated from the village.  The first day I saw Chika in her house, I knew she would make a good wife.  I started wooing her immediately.

Chika: We met through a friend, her name is Naomi.

Was it hard for you to woo her?

Victory: It was not that easy but she realised I was serious; it took some years of dating before she allowed me to meet her mother.

Chika:  I was not in the mood initially because I had just come out of a broken relationship, I did not want to meet any new man but my friend persuaded me to see him.  She described him as a friendly person. When I met him, he turned out to be as friendly as my friend had described. I was still not ready for a relationship then but because he persisted, I allowed him to see my mother, who, immediately took to him. After that, I did not see any point in continuing to play hard to get, I agreed to date him.

Did you at any point have a change of mind during the courtship?

Victory:  There were times when I was not sure of the relationship but I left everything in the hands of God. We had an argument one night and I made up my mind that if she did not call me the following morning, that would be the sign that the relationship was not meant to be.

What caused the argument?

Victory: We did not really argue in a way of exchanging words with each other, it was a question of our attitude towards each other. I kept putting pressure on her to prove to me that she was committed to the relationship.

Chika:  I became confused at one point in the relationship because I had a lot of male admirers due to the nature of my job. By then, he had already told me his intention of marrying me but I was indecisive because of the hoards of admirers I had at the time.  One day, I just told him that I needed a break, he reacted by falling sick.   I did not call him for four days. When I finally called him, he said he had written it down somewhere that if I did not call that day, that would be the end of the relationship.

Did you suspect she may be involved with somebody else?

Victory: We all had friends, not necessarily intimate friends, but with me in the picture, it was natural to expect that she had moved away from that aspect of her life to concentrate on our future together. But I also reasoned that she may not have been sure if I was the man for her.  However, everything turned out well.

How is your marriage faring at the moment?

Victory: We are doing very fine, thank God.

Chika:  God has been helping us. When we got married initially, I was very young and I always spoke my mind and this led to a lot of issues in the marriage.   My husband said I was a nagging wife.

Were there attempts from detractors to destroy the marriage with gossips and hearsay?

Victory:  I am aware that the influence of other people can cause problems in a matrimonial home. I recall that even after our marriage, we were separated for almost seven months. The marriage was on the verge of crumbling but somehow, we came together again. I believe intruders were to blame for that brief separation. As a couple, we know that it is important to give deaf ears to what people outside have to say  about our partners; also we have to trust and pay attention  to the one we love.

Chika: It was during that period of separation that we both discovered our mistakes. I had time to work on myself because I realised I might not have been doing everything right.  I think we allowed outsiders unfettered access to our home and this must have resulted in issues stretching beyond the boundaries they were supposed to go. The experience has taught us to keep friends and family members away from the marriage.

What is your definition of a courtship and marriage?

Victory: There is difference between a relationship and marriage. When people are courting, they overlook and tolerate a lot of things. At that point, it is important for each partner to protect the relationship by not offending the other partner. Marriage, however, changes everything; the man who values his independence may no longer enjoy such privileges because his spouse constantly reminds him of his status and the need for him to behave accordingly. It gets to a point in a marriage where couples start seeing themselves as strangers behaving differently from the people they knew earlier. At that point, unless they learn to adjust again, there will be a lot of resistance, rebellion and resentment.

Chika: Such people might not have known each other very well during the period of courtship; it also has a lot to do with the individuals themselves. As an individual, if you know what you want, you could work for it.  For instance, my friends initially tried to prevent me from marrying my husband because he was an actor; they reasoned that marriages to actors do not last.  I refused to accept that negative notion. I told them that if marriages to actors do not last, mine would because I was getting married to somebody I loved.  I believe women should not try to change a man to fit into a model of what they want after marriage, especially if they did not bother to change him during the courtship period.

What do you consciously do to kindle love in the relationship?

Victory: I try as much as possible to communicate and make sure that none of us nurses hurt or resentment against the other without speaking out.

Chika:  I have learnt perseverance and patience.

What does he do to make you angry?

Chika: I don’t like seeing him around so many women. Due to the nature of his job, I see photographs he takes with other women at functions and during movie shoots. When I see such pictures, I complain about the fact that most of his pictures feature women.

Victory: She gets angry over little things. Sometimes she takes life too seriously.

Source: Punch